Scary Parenting; How Not to Worry
Becoming a parent is a big deal. You’re bringing a child into this world, and this child is going to be completely dependent upon you. For the next 20 years. That can be just a little intimidating. If not downright terrifying!
We all have pressures – to be perfect, to look perfect, to feel perfect – and those pressures are coming from within us and from outside of us. Here’s the tough part: we make parenting harder than it has to be.
By keeping a negative goal in mind, our psyche has nothing to move toward except that negative goal. “I definitely don’t want to be like . . .” or “I have to keep it from being like . . .”
You have to replace it with a positive goal, what you want to have happen. So I have a few tools to share with you.
If these tools are going to be effective, you have to be willing to look honestly at yourself, your priorities and your worries. And it’s not fun. But there’s peace and self acceptance at the other end of the tunnel.
To prepare, schedule a quiet time when you can contemplate uninterrupted. Arrange a peaceful comfortable place to rest and close your eyes. Breathe deeply and ask yourself:
“What am I afraid will happen?” or “What did happen?”
Paint a picture. It’s a scary thing to do, but keep reminding yourself that this is part of rooting out the anxiety. Remain outside the painting, but paint that picture in all of its detail. Include all of the colors, the smells, the sounds, the textures. Let it be what it truly is; without judgment of yourself, only acceptance.
As you look at this picture in your mind, allow the colors to melt down and out of the image, like paint draining from a canvas. Continue to drain the color until all that is left of the picture are the black outlines on a white background. Slowly fill the picture with light, until even the outlines have disappeared.
Now, on that white background, take a moment to just experience the empty space. Then, fill in the image of what you want your reality to be. Paint the picture with as much glorious beauty as you can imagine. Include all the senses. What does it look like, what sounds are there, what does it feel like, what smells and tastes are present.
Step into the picture.
How do you feel?
If you need to alter something about the image, do so until you are at peace. Keep this image foremost in your mind and your subconscious will have a positive goal to work toward.
Practice patience with yourself, and it will come more easily with others. When those pressures start to build up, and you feel intensities building from all sides, remind yourself of the beautiful experience you created.
Remind yourself that you created it beautifully in your mind, you can create it beautifully in your life.